Tuesday, April 22, 2008

36 Hours and Counting

3 days left. I'm subconsciously (or is it consciously?) freaking out. I can detect all of my pre-moving behavioral shifts happening - not sleeping, constant anxiety, forgetting to eat, restless agitation when I'm alone, unnecessary cleaning of my room (SERIOUSLY). It all happened when I left for college and now it's happening when I'm leaving for home. Or do I, in some weird way, view this as a type of home now? So many questions like this take over my mind every minute of the day.I stress about balancing my time between spending it with friends and constructively preparing to leave (packing finally started for real last night during one of those sleepless periods.) Friends take priority 99% of the time. But that makes me worry that I won't be done packing when they're ready to take me home. I'm so disorganized. Who would have ever thought I would be this anxious/nervous/sick to my stomach about moving BACK home. Back to what I thought was my comfort zone. To be perfectly honest, I do not want to move home right now. I cannot imagine going through the next three months (not to mention the next 2 years) without the 6 people who have become the Cabinet to my President. Or the Entourage to my Vincent Chase (if you get that reference, I totally love you). Not that I'm the leader of the group, we really have no leader, but they are my circle of trust, my inseparable bros. (Yes that includes Dani.) I'm sorry. I'm totally stressing. And rambling. It's just that moving back to St. George at this point almost seems like a kind of step backwards. I don't want to go through last summer all over again because I already that a year ago. It was great, but I have no desire to do it again. Yet, what other choice do I have? ... Exactly. But if there's one thing this is teaching me is that something this virtually perfect (I'm totally serious with that adjective) can't last forever. I don't want to leave these people. And yet I'm moving on Friday. Someone please tell me how to deal with this because if you can't tell, it's kind of turning me into a total mess.

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