Saturday, November 24, 2007
My first Thanksgiving as a college student. I have thought about this day since I was six or seven. My first official chance to visit my family and show them how well-adjusted and successful I am at University. I don't know how well it went, how the most important people in my life viewed me on my first time back. I hope I pulled it off because to be honest I wonder every day how well-adjusted I am. Every time I come back to Provo all I feel is crap. I'm miserable and moody and I cry for hours and all I want to do is run back to my family as fast as I can. At the same time, I know I'm supposed to be up here doing this. I haven't been more certain of anything for a long time. Why can't I be fully happy living here? And on the other hand, I don't think I would be totally happy throwing in the towel and going back to St. George. Is this the lesson I'm supposed to learn here? That I'm not happy living more than 5 seconds away from my parents? I could have told you that without moving! The only really good thing I've found about moving to Provo so far is the people that I've met, my great new friends. But the thing I noticed was that I didn't really miss them when I was away...I still can't sleep, I hate the weather, living with these roommates drives me insane most days, it's all still just very different from what I expected. My friends are great but they can't be everything for me. And with Karly moving off-campus next semester and us having completely different schedules who knows how much I'll see her, so there goes my biggest support system from STG. I don't know, the point of all this is that I'm so confused about everything these days. I don't know what I want and I only have 4 more weeks to decide if I want to stay here or go home. I've never been more confused in my life.